Eyewear Scare
Eyewear Scare is the forty-fourth prank call in the Crotchety Old Man Calls series. Transcript (ringback tone) Katie: 'Good afternoon, (censored). This is Katie speaking, how may I help you? '''Milton: '''Oh! Thank God you've answered! Let me speak to the schmuck on wheels that made these eyeglasses! '''Katie: '''Excuse me? Wh...what's your name? '''Milton: ''Do you speak English?! Repeat after me: my...eye...glasses...suck! I'm driving right now in my car...and I just got the glasses and I'm feeling all dizzy and woozy and my eyes are getting blurry! 'Katie: '''But you're- you're driv- '''Milton: '''Like...like somebody smeered toothpaste on here! '''Katie: '''You're driving right now? '''Milton: '''Yes, I'm driving right now! '''Katie: '''Okay sir, I need you to pull over the car. '''Milton: '''I can't see any-what'd you say?! '''Katie: '''I need you to pull over the car. '''Milton: '''Who the hell made these glasses- Stevie Wonder?! '''Katie: '''Sir, I will try to help you, you need to pull over the car before- '''Milton: '''Wha-?! Why sh-?! '''Katie: '''Somebody- somebody is going to get hurt. '''Milton: '''Why should I pull over the car just cause I can't see and I'm going 60 miles a hour?! ''(Milton smashes into the side of another car) 'Milton: '''DAHHHHH!!!! Oh my! I just smashed into somebody!....I just ripped somebody's whole side off! '''Katie: '''Oh my God-sir, please pull over the car! '''Milton: '''I can't! I'm late for football practice! I'm in the senior's league! I need to speak to somebody that made these glasses because I can't see crap! '''Katie: '''Wha-what is your name...? ''(Milton crashes into school bus) 'Milton: '''DAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!! '''Katie: '''Sir! '''Milton: '''Holy-I just mowed into a school bus! Hold on! '''Katie: '''Oh my God, is- '''Milton: '''Everyone's okay. I just peeled the whole side off! Sor-sorry! '''Katie: '''Please stop the car! '''Milton: '''I can't stop the car! Do you people know how to make eye gl-oh my God, telephone booth! Telephone booth! Telephone booth! ''(Milton crashes through telephone booth) 'Katie: '''Sir, please! '''Milton: '''I ju-I just mowed over a tele-I'm in a parking lot of a supermarket now! '''Katie: '''Well, you can stop there! '''Milton: '''I'm in the parking lot! Hold on! WOAH!!! ''(Milton weaves and swerves) 'Milton: '''Holy-I'm weaving and swerving and weaving and-oh my God! I'm in a park- '''Katie: '''Sir, please! Oh my God... '''Milton: '''OH MY GOD! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! ''(Milton crashes through the supermarket) 'Milton: '''I'm in the-oh my God! '''Katie: '''Are you okay? '''Milton: '''I just-I'm in the supermarket! AH!!! '''Katie: '''I can't hear you! Are you okay? '''Milton: '''I just smashed into the su-I'm in the supermarket! Holy! Oh my-there goes the pasta! Ah! Hostess cupcakes right down the left! Spam! Spaghetti-O's! Kibbles and Bits! Oh my-I'm dragging the shelves! ''(Milton crashes into deli counter) 'Milton: '''AHHHH!!!!!! I just bashed into the deli counter! Oh my God! Hello?! Can you- '''Katie: '''Is everyone okay? '''Milton: '''I don't know!!! '''Katie: '''Stop the car! '''Milton: '''People are fleeing! '''Katie: '''Can you hear me? Stop the car! '''Milton: '''AHHH!!! Get outta the way!!! ''(Milton crashes into back wall of supermarket) 'Milton: '''Oh! I'm-uh, the car hit the back wall! Okay, I'm- '''Katie: '''Is anyone hurt? '''Milton: '''I'm stopped! Oh! It's all because of your eyeglasses! My car is wrecked, I've smashed the supermarket, countless other vehicles, and it's all your freaking fault at (censored)! '''Katie: '''Is everyone okay? '''Milton: '''I think so! I think most people fled the scene when I bashed through the front of the supermarket! '''Katie: '''Okay, I'm going to try to get you some help. You need to tell me which supermarket are you in? '''Milton: '''I'm in the one down the street! '''Katie: '.....that doesn't help me much, could you be a little more specific? 'Milton: '''Yes! The supermarket that has all the food! (pants) You guys are paying for my car, you're paying for cumulative damages! I want a check right now for $79,000! '''Katie: '''My manager isn't in- '''Milton: '''That's it! I'm coming after you right now! Backing up the car! ''(Milton backs his car up, tires screech) 'Milton: '''Coming after you! So long, toots! ''(Katie hangs up) (ringback tone) Trivia *Stevie Wonder is a blind musician who has been active since 1961. Category:Prank calls